Tis The Season To Be Mary Part 2

I've been learning things, but not from any man. Father has been teaching me. What is extra cool is that Wayne is also separately getting one-on-one lessons, but they are the same revelations. Not only is it confirmation, but it is a true example of the tuning fork. I don't have to be tuned into any person, not even Wayne, as my source because I am tuned into Father. Wayne is also tuned into Father, and that means we are automatically in tune to each other. Probably the biggest lesson at the moment has to do with unlearning.

There is a call to us to return to childhood. God and Wayne had one of the most beautiful conversations I have ever heard between Father and a son. Someday I might share it, but for now I'm going to let Wayne soak in the revelation without me involved. I've also had some visions about God as my parent, but mostly he has been teaching me things in my dreams. I had no idea about somethings he has shown be about myself. After dreaming about this a few times, I finally seem to be getting the clue.

Mary hesitated...and so do I.

Mary was just a young, innocent girl. There were probably many traits about her that were childlike, and she is amazing. (I think when I get to heaven, I'll have me a sit down with her to jab about what it was like raising a bunch of boys.) I learned something about myself from dreams plus pondering on Mary's role in the Christmas story. When the angel came to Mary and told her that she would become pregnant. Mary questioned the word of the Lord. She said, "How can this be?" And the Angel gave her an answer. Then she said, "Be it done to me as you say." And she became pregnant with the seed of the Word. Wow! Gets me every single time! But I always skipped right over her question. Did you know that she could have believed what he said without any explanation and became pregnant? But she hesitated. Now I realize that "hesitate" is not exactly accurate, but for some reason it makes sense in my mind.

I think I can credit how I understand the word "hesitate" to the Movie "Men In Black." I love the part where the MIB are testing the potential agents and they all go in the shooting area and start blasting the alien props except Will Smith's character who doesn't shoot anything. Then all the shooting stops and Will shoots the girl prop in the head. The lights come back on and the MIB agent asks him what happened and he says, "hesitated." They end up choosing Will Smith and Zeb tells the other candidates, "Congratulations, gentlemen. You're everything we expected from years of government training." ----oh boy, that will preach!

What I love about Mary's story is that she questioned, and she still got her answer. God didn't "unchoose" her just because she questioned. He met her where she was, gave her the answer, then proceeded as planned. It was a simple little question. "How?" The Bible doesn't record any of the other billions of questions that I probably would have had. "Why me? How am I supposed to raise this kid? What will my parents think? What about Joseph? Will this baby need unique care? Will I be a single mother?" She didn't ask any of those types of questions which in my opinion are a lot more meaty. Her question indicated that she was willing. She just simply wanted to know, "How can this be because I've not been with a man."

(I just thought of something as I typed the question. She was willing, but she thought that the Word physically living in her would obviously have to come from a man. Whoa. Don't we get into that same sort of thinking? We place people in our lives to speak into us life when really we need to hear directly from the Father. He'll plant the seed in us. We don't need any person telling us what to think about God, what he looks like, or sounds like. We can hear his voice on our own. It is our right to hear our Father's voice as his children. And I would literally like to pop in the nose people who make other people discredit the voice of the almighty within them. I posted in May 2011 on this very thing in this blog that was a vision/word from the Lord, and its called, "Wake Up Call." I'm still learning things from that vision.)

Mary was very simple, but I do the exact same thing except on a much larger scale. I hesitate because of judgment. The first dream I had was a really cool dream, but in the dream the host of the fancy restaurant was a French man. (Red Flag #1 in my mind.) But I like him. I was drawn to him. He was taking me through the restaurant to see the manager to find my misplaced keys. We stopped at a patrons table, and he put some sort of weird-looking delicacy they were eating in their drink and had me drink it. I hesitated. I did NOT want to drink that. How terrible that he would interrupt their dining. And I felt like he knew it was going to be weird for me to drink and I would look silly. I didn't like that he put me in that position, but yet I was still captivated by him. After I drank he took me on to see the manger who had my keys. When I woke up I knew the French man was the Lord, but why would he put me in that uncomfortable, socially-unacceptable position to drink that strange concoction?

A while later I had another dream that may be my very favorite dream of all time. The dream had so much in it, that I think I will post it separately. I was in a geology class with a guest lecturer who worked for a geology company. I was captivated by him. He drew me with every word. Hearing him speak gave me life and empowered me to find my rocks. (stop laughing.) He made me question myself in my dream which I did not appreciate. And he told me twice that I need to put my rock collection in his care so he could preserve them. I refused letting him have my rocks because I assumed he was just telling me that because it was money for his business. When I woke up I knew the teacher was the Lord. So why did he make me question myself? And why did he want my rocks? I judged him with preconceived ideas. I assumed things. (I did find out later why he made me question myself and I'll post that with my dream. It's the coolest thing ever.)

It took two dreams plus Mary's story to make me realize that I do not trust Father as a child. I have preconceived ideas on how things should work or why things are a certain way. "A business man isn't out to help me. He wants my money." But then I had an inner knowing that drew me to him. I trusted what I've learned from living instead of trusting that knowing on the inside of me. Father showed me that I hesitate. Instead of resting and trusting in what he says, I think I have to know the answers. I think I HAVE the answers. Really all I have to know is the one who IS the answer. It's a backwards way of thinking from what I've learned. It is unlearning a whole bunch of self-help modules that I have subjected myself to for years and years. I'm afraid to fully trust because of all kinds of things I suppose. I'm afraid that trusting might make me embarrassed because of the thousands of naive comments and jokes played on me in the past. Or maybe that I have a belief that, "nobody could be that good." But the truth is that God really is that good. He only wants to love me. He doesn't have anything to take from me or teach me. There are no hidden agendas to improve me or get something out of me. He just loves me because he loves me and that's it. I can learn to trust him as a child would trust---like I used to trust. I can trust myself to trust because I know from the inside that he is good. I have an inner knowing of my who my Daddy is and I can trust him.

I've been "playing" in the glory a bit with some new acquaintances we recently met. It's really weird to me. The very first minute of the meeting God taught me that I hesitate. They had us stand up for worship, and I had some preconceived ideas of what that meant. Then Father gently revealed to me that I don't have to participate in anything I don't want to, but if I want to come and play, then he welcomes that. Who cares if everyone in the room happens to be playing for real or just pretending. I can enjoy time with my Dad without having any judgments on myself or others. It was literally the sweetest time of worship I have ever had, and definitely the most power-packed of revelation. I liken it to a play ground. A place where kids play. I didn't construct the swings and slides. I might not even know everything there is to know about the safety. I don't even know how it was built, but that doesn't mean I can't go and play. I can experience the playground just as any other child would without having answers. I can even have a perfectly wonderful time without having questions. I believe that is what God is revealing to me by helping me unlearn how I am "supposed" to be. I've been taught to hesitate. There is so much more rest in trust.