Loving and Guarded

I have a little sis in the faith who randomly calls me to ask me questions. I probably learn more from her than she does from me, and I'm pretty sure that's how it is supposed to be. So she called me one night to ask me something like, "Can someone fully give and receive love and still have their heart guarded?" To which I laughed and replied, "I DON'T KNOW!" But it seems that when I truly admit that I do not know something with my soulish realm that some sort of a reply is able to work itself up from the depths even if it is just another question to God-pong about. We don't have to have an answer and in that freedom, the answer comes. What a great question, and therefore what a great teacher she is! This is what came up...

There is a difference between guarding our heart and building walls. It is necessary and vital to keep our hearts guarded, but we are not to build walls. Building walls around our hearts in order to protect ourselves from the fear of being hurt, or the memory of being hurt is unhealthy. The same walls built up to keep hurt out are the same walls that will keep God/Love out. They are the same walls that trap hurt in and become kryptonite to the healer. One of the most difficult things I have ever found in life is how to keep those walls down. It's scary. The initial process can be excruciating. It sort of reminds me of someone with a debilitating condition or after a major surgery who needs a remedy. The last thing a patient would want to do is physical therapy, but the doctors and therapist know that is the way to true healing without future impairment. OUCH! Pushing those patients is actually out of love when really you would just as soon slap them for their encouraging torture. It's our job to keep those walls down. It's a dying-to-self process. No walls mean love can come and go freely. It's humbling. We receive love and we give love. It prevents hardness of heart.

So if we are supposed to keep our hearts soft and open, then how do we guard them? (I love Father so much. He makes things so simple a child can understand it yet it carries a weight of revelation that could push over the world.) We are guarded from "words" that would distract us from the Truth. I can love you and receive love from you without adopting your opinion of me as the opinion of myself. I can choose to be humble and adopt the opinion Father has for me. We guard with one thing and that is revelation of who we are. Having a love tank full of "I am the righteousness of God" prevents any opinion of man from creeping up in there and infecting us with something untrue or unreal. There is one voice that matters. Knowing that voice of real love means that we can let our walls down, receive and give love, and any "hurt" that might come from another person will not infect or affect us. It can't. We can be so wrapped up in Truth that we don't even ponder a lie. We can love people and allow them to love us without giving them an undue power into our hearts that could hurt us. We allow people to hurt us when we place their opinion above Gods.

"Guard your heart" always sounded to me like something I had to "do." It was a necessary ploy to keep bad seeds from creating some major issue in my life later on. It was work to consciously decide, "I will let this fluffy thought come in, but I will take this one captive." Whew! Tired! It is so much more pleasant to now know that all I have to "do" (all I WANT to do) is rest in the love of my father, and keep my eyes focused on him and his voice. His lovely thoughts toward me are all that matter. Even if I mess up, I will take his opinion. Not mine. Not anybody's. Even if someone's opinion is good and lines up perfectly with Father's, then that is just confirmation, but that doesn't mean I let my guard down with them meaning, I do not elevate their opinion above Father's because next time, they might not have the same opinion. This totally eradicates codependency. I've been hurt before...boy have I been hurt! I ate a bowl full of rejection that was served to me with a silver spoon. Was it my fault that I was rejected? No it wasn't. We were not created for rejection, we were created for love. But it was my fault that I let my guard down. It took a LOOOOOOONG time for me to get back to the place where I totally forgave them and myself. Father had to do some major intervening and some major surgery. Thought I was healed up, then we had to go back in for another surgery. I was hurt. But now I genuinely love them. If they decided to throw some love my way, I could receive it with gladness. I am confident that there is nothing they could do or say to me that would cause me to be hurt again. Why? My love tank is running over with Father's opinion of me. To the churchy world, that might sound cocky, but if there is one thing I have learned it is that that is the purest form of humility. "Humble and Proud." (Ha Ha Ha) Reminds me of a song....doesn't it say, "Oh Lord It's hard to be humble when I'm perfect in every way." Hee Hee. Their opinion can not enter when the river of life is flowing out. That would be like trying to stuff a seed in a fire hose while it was on.

This itty bitty piece of revelation has even been carried over to our marriage. I must admit that I still have Mr. Blaylock's opinion of me pretty high up on the ol' heart shelf. It's easy to do with him because he is so very lovely, but even still I must know that God's opinion of me matters more than even my perfect other half.
You know? Sometimes he might have a bad day, but that doesn't mean I have to fall down their with him. I can guarantee you he doesn't jump in the pit with me when I have a bad day. (I'm laughing.) Sometimes it makes me mad that I can't knock him down with me. (I'm really laughing.) He did this awesome illustration when we taught about codependency to the youth. Two people can lean on each other (backs together.) But if one gets knocked down, the other inevitably falls. But if the same two people lean on Wayne, who represents God, then one can fall and the other doesn't. The one left standing is also in a position to help the other one back up to a standing position. We can't help each other when we all fall down. That's what I'm talking about. We lean on, or rest on, the opinion of Father so that if the whole world falls around us, we are standing because HE is steadfast and strong. Our rock. Our salvation. This codependent-free zone makes for a blissful marriage, and I'm not just saying that. I'm totally serious that the more we focus on Father's opinion and love for us, the less we depend on each other to meet our needs, the healthier our relationship becomes, the more in-love we are, and the more B.L.I.S.S.F.U.L and fun it is. Better everyday. No joke.

We had this HOLY COW person stay with us for a while. Yes, there were wonderful things we learned, but the nutrients were hard to digest with such a pill, if you get what I mean. I will be the first to admit that I made some mistakes no question about it. Hind sight is 20/20. But you know? Her tactics didn't work with us. Actually, I didn't even recognize them as "hurtful" because they just pinged right off. I heard what she was saying but her opinion didn't carry weight. We saw more in her (good and evil) than most people will ever, but Gosh we loved her like we would love our own child. Through it all, I always knew it was ok for us to have her and love her because Wayne and I grew closer, which is the opposite affect of what usually happens around such a person. It would not have been possible except for the understanding of "There is only one voice that matters," and hers wasn't it. Now she hates our guts because we didn't fall. Her hating us didn't hurt as bad her rejecting God's love he had for her through us. The last ditch effort to knock me down....and I let it. I had some major growing up to do with that way of thinking. Hence the double surgery therapy session from the Lord to keep my heart open. Great physician indeed. I'm so thankful that he taught me the true meaning to guarding my heart and keeping those walls knocked to the ground. Life is just better at rest.