Five Years With Jack

Today my Jack turns five-year-old. FIVE YEARS OLD!  In honor of my amazing five-year-old gift, I've decided to share about receiving him.   I think if I could ever write a book, a good title would be “Mothering Jack.” I just have a lot to say about being the mom to such a guy.   

Jack is such an adventure. He is the most awesomely unique, little guy in the whole wide world. It's always been “different” with Jack. I knew I was pregnant with Jack before it could even be confirmed by a doctor, and I knew he was special. Each one of our boys are special in their own right, but I often refer to Jack as our “especially special.” ...and also "Special Spectacular."

 Even in the womb, I felt like Jack would be rich and famous. When he was born we nicknamed him, “New Money.” Since his birth, I've felt like we are raising him for the world. I would hold that new born baby and ask him, “Who are you, Jack? Tell us who you are?” He just felt different. We could always tell he was cut from a different cloth. 

 

I often think of groups of people as having a flavor. Institutions to me have a scent. These “aromas” are created in my mind because people are like ingredients to a recipe that when formed together seem to taste a little differently. Jack definitely adds spice to the Blaylock Family. When he is gone, it is almost boring. (...I said, ALMOST. Anyone with boys knows that no matter what, “Boring” absolutely cannot be used to describe a household with three of them.)

Jack thinks about snow cream in July. His desire for it makes you even excited for winter. Jack really knows what he wants. It makes it a pleasure to buy him, “Underwear with sleeves” (boxers.) Jack is very intelligent. His verbal skills were amazing at 16- months. He was walking well at ten-months. 

Jack didn't really need potty-training. He just woke up one day and decided he didn't want to wear diapers any more. He's always had a remarkable understanding of numbers and money. At age four, he completed a K-1 workbook in less than three weeks without prompting from us. 

 His memory is like a steel trap. He brings up things that happened when he was 1-year-old. He remembers every food he has ever eaten, where he ate it, and who he ate it with. This is not an exaggeration. Flavors are important to Jack. He nods if his food is good. He dances if his food is exceptional. 

 

Jack notices things others just ignore. He ponders and understands things about life that is unusual for his age. He doesn't need to grow up and have babies because he already has Ben.  His vocabulary is still trying to catch up with his thoughts. He asked me last night, "Is our house breaking? Will we ever live in a different house? Well, even if our house gets really, really, really old, I just want us to always live in it."   

When you say something, Jack really listens, and can bring it up long after you forgot about it.  People who really know Jack, love Jack. When he sets his mind to something, it is as good as done. His imagination could rival a 50-year-old poet. His eyes! Even his little belly button is perfect. 

He is super hilarious. To watch him play is the best. He sincerely loves his momma. If you ask him if he is a Momma's boy or a daddy's boy, he grins really big and points to us both. He can be the sweetest, most kind, melt-your-heart, little snuggler ever. 

And sometimes I just don't know how to handle him. 
 

Even Jack's infant cry grated on me like fingernails on a chalkboard. If you don't give a good enough reason why he can't, he is going to do it anyway. “Four season in one day” is not enough moods. He can be sneaky. He is NOT a people person. He checks to see who is in charge A LOT.  Little things are turned into big deals. It shouldn't matter that the straw is yellow, but it does. And then he calls you with that sweet little voice just to make sure you are going to tuck him in at bedtime. He's edible. 

 

Even before he was born, I was worried about our “middle child.” After he was born the worry grew worse.  Then one day out of nowhere, I heard the Lord pretty much yell in my heart, “You won't treat him differently because he's the middle child. You'll treat him differently because he is different.” “Hmmm,” I thought. I wasn't even thinking about that. Then later the very same day out of nowhere again, I heard him repeat it. “You won't treat him differently because he's the middle child. You'll treat him differently because he is different.” “Um, Yes Sir. I hear you.” 

I heard him loud and clear, and that is when I began to listen....really listen.

This kid is different and the Lord said so, and it is okay that not all things are created equal at the Blaylocks. Jack couldn't even roll over yet, and already I was being prepared, trained, and equipped, to be the mother of this amazing little creature and his brothers I'm honored to get to love.

Then years pass, and I literally don't know what to do with this kid. I am at my wits end. Two toddlers and another one coming. Jack cries and I don't even think HE knows why. I cry too. I call Wayne at work. I pray. “Oh Lord! Teach me to love this child like you do.”

...the sun sets and rises again the next day and the next. I even forgot about my little prayer. Life goes on. It was just another typical day at home. Then I walk in the room where little Jack is standing. I pick him up just out of habit...obligation even. Then WHAM! BAM! HOLY (I don't have the words) GOODNESS! The creator of this child dropped a God-load of love into me and I looked at that kid and couldn't help but say, “I don't care if you are my child or not. I LOVE YOU!!!” 

Later when I told this story, I realized I was standing in the exact same spot where I had been standing the first time I heard the Lord say, “You won't treat this child differently because he's the middle....”

We surely do not have parenting down, but we have learned some pretty big lessons from a little baby Jack I would love to share with any parent of a God-given, strong-willed child.  

• If it is gray, it is black, and he needs to get in trouble. 
   
• Jack feels more safe and secure when you show him who is in charge. He actually rewards us for what we call “boot camp.” He has even thanked us for this.  It's always boot camp. 
   
• The behavior is his way of communicating what he hasn't quite learned to put into words. Listen past the noises to hear what his heart is crying about. Sometimes it is attention that can be easily fixed with asking him, “Do you want me to help you do some homework?” Sometimes he needs you to rock him to sleep. Sometimes he just needs to be allowed to kick it out alone in the bed. Sometimes he needs to help you cook something yummy.   Sometimes he needs his daddy to take him for a drive. Sometimes he needs a bath. Sometimes he needs a spanking. 
   
•  “Correction” might take some creativity. This is one of my favorites: Sometimes if we were holding on to Jack, he might jerk away from us when we say he could go.    I couldn't stand that!  I don't know how to explain it, but I felt like he wasn't at rest on the inside. He might even be in a good mood, but like I said, “if it is gray, it is black.” So if he jerked away, he would have to stand there still as I held him counted to 20 seconds or so. If he even twitched, I would start counting all over. The first time took about 10 minutes. (Checking to see who is in charge.) The second time took about 60 seconds. Now it just takes about 10 seconds, and is hardly ever needed at all. 
  
  
• Just because sometimes it doesn't look or act like us, doesn't mean it needs fixing. 
   
• A determined little guy will take a beating before giving in. (Remember determination is not bad.) Don't get mad. Sometimes spanking is not the way to handle it. Just give them time to think about what you want them to do and the consequences for not. Leave. Breathe. Then go back after the emotions have subsided and try it again. Sometimes all it takes to get compliance is just a little moment for them to think about it. 
   
• Our job as parents is to love him. Period. And in an atmosphere of love they will flourish. Parenting should feel as fun as being and aunt or an uncle. You know what I mean... Unconditional love without feeling responsible for how they turn out. They'll turn out. And who says “turning out” looks a certain way. Unconditional love is not trying to squeeze an individual into a mold created by someone else. 
   
• Being determined is gift of the Lord. Don't make the mistake to think determination is defiance. But if it is defiance, handle it. 
   
• Passiveness is not acceptable when parenting someone who feels loved when there are boundaries. 
   
• Say a lot, “You are not the boss of him. You are only the boss of You.” 
   
• There is no need to make a child share every single thing. It is perfectly fine for some things to be theirs and only theirs even if they are not using it at that moment. Especially early on, things were important to Jack. There were about five household objects determined by Jack that we allowed to be only his. It was remarkable. When he knew we would also fight for his favorite things, he shared everything else without hesitation. And soon, he didn't “need” those things anymore. He decided on his own that he would share “His” things. And that was a big day.
  
  
  
  
• God is the one responsible for our children. (Think about that....it's really difficult when you live in this world where it seems right to control your kids.)....it is NEVER okay to control. Love does have boundaries, however. I am not responsible for him. He's a gift to us because we get to be the first ones to love him. Call me irresponsible, and I'll take it as a compliment. 
  
  
   
• Rubbing Jack's back ALWAYS quiets the storm. Actually, this is how is goes: I have to remind myself that I am the parent and separate myself from the emotions of wanting to spank his rear end for crying because it is bedtime. I begin to rub his back (“Soft” his back is what my sister always called it.) Then in a soft tone right in his ear so he has to quiet down to hear I say, “Jack I will rub your back, but I'm not going to continue if you continue to throw a fit. I will give you 10 more seconds to cry, but if the crying continues after that, I will stop.” Works. Every. Time. (Except after the 10 seconds is up, there is always one or maybe two little whimpers. Then quiet. Peace. And usually sleep.) 
  

  
  

  • Sleep is VERY important.  Do not underestimate the power of sleep.
     
• Let “growing” be his timing. Trying to force anything will never work. He'll come around. He always does. Putting pressure on him to be a certain way against his will borderlines on manipulation. Don't do this to a determined little fellow...or anyone else for that matter.
   
• The more attention you pay to the problem, the longer it takes to get to the solution. 
   
• No matter if a child turns out to be George Washington, a teacher, a chef, a dishwasher, Tom Hanks, Robert Frost, Billy Graham, Peyton Manning, Eminem, or Hitler, who they are is NOT a reflection of you or your parenting style. God's first born Adam messed up too. He also had Jesus. I do believe whole heartedly that we cannot love our children perfectly when we think they are connected somehow with our identity. “Lord, Help me fully get this.” 
   
•  To think he needs teaching is a failure to learn from him.

  Every day, week, month, and year our little Jack astounds us with even more joy. He is an amazing little teacher. He continues to prove that his timing is the perfect timing simply because it is birthed out of who he is and not who we think he should be. He might not be a cookie cutter kid.....and that means he's perfect. 

He continues to answer our question, “Who are you, Jack?” and he shows us his answer, “unexplored awesomeness.” 

Looking forward to the adventure year five will bring us.  Happy Birthday to my especially special spectacular.