Soaring

“I’m looking forward to soaring.” ...That was the last line I wrote in my post about Vertical thinking in relationships. Since I posted that, I hit some turbulence. I was still "working" on keeping myself in vertical thinking. God wants no hurt in our lives because he loves us, but hurt and bitterness are also a big distraction. Seeds of bitterness can get buried in our heart and reproduce the hurt in our life again later by attracting hurt and hurting others. "Above all else, guard your heart because out of it flows issues of life." I do not know much, but I do know enough to know I did not want any of those bitter seeds reproducing anywhere in my life. I heard one of my favorites, Rob Rufus, say the other day, "The MOST dangerous thing in this life is a disgruntled Christian." He was saying it was more dangerous than any devil or anything because of our God-given creative ability plus the words they spew onto everything and into everybody plant seeds of discontentment, lack, bitterness, offense. So I could still feel some hurt and noticed fruit of bitterness in my life in the form of negative emotions and bitter thoughts. I prayed and asked the Lord to create in me a pure heart. I had a dream...

I love, love, love, love, love dreams. I love that dreams help us to understand what is written on our hearts. I love that God can speak to us through dreams. I love that dreams are parables and therefore are hardly literal. Dreams, to me, are endless revelation just like when you read a parable from the Bible. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what of a motion picture? So fascinating!

I dreamed I was sitting down with one friend who I allowed to hurt me. I was able to talk with her like we used to do and it was nice. I miss it. The interesting thing about the conversation was that I spoke things to her that I didn’t even know I had in my heart. I spoke of every tiny offense I was not even aware I had. I woke up, and realized that God brought forth those seeds of bitterness from my heart because I asked him to give me a pure heart. I had scabbed over the wound with the junk inside and therefore was not healing properly. With the scab now removed. I could clean out my wound and allow God to heal my heart with his love instead of me try to superficially bandage it. It was great except for the fact that my wound was now reopened. I felt like it had happened just that morning.

I had an opportunity to be in the worship service. I went expecting from him, and God did give me a miracle. During worship, he showed me a vision that has really brought healing to me. I love that God's language to us is revelation, and then we interpret it into a language our brains understand. When he was showing me the vision, he said, "You said you wanted to soar!” (sweet!) It was a gift from the Lord that I had not even asked for. He just knew I wanted it and gave it to me. I love him for that! To me, Father's visions are sort of like day dreams except more real. It is like one of those dreams that you wake up and think really happened, except you know it really did. They are not weird or spooky. It is just one of those things. Everybody can do it. As a child of the Most High, it is your right to hear, see, and experience his goodness.

The soaring vision...
I was in a short, white, bright, happy, peaceful hallway. It had windows I could look out of on both sides. I could see out of the windows that I was high in the sky. I could see nothing down below. I was happy and at peace. At the end of the hallway was a door. I walked up and opened the door only to see the wide open sky with nothing below. There were clouds. It was a beautiful day. I assumed the intention for that door was so I would step out and fly. The only problem was, I was afraid to step out. I wanted to explore the things God had out that door waiting for me, and I didn’t want to admit that I was too insecure to step out. I stood in the hallway imagining what it would be like to step out and fly. I knew God would keep me from falling, but I also imagined how insecure and awkward I would feel flying around. I knew I would be aware of myself as I flew. I didn’t like the emotions and insecure feelings I imagined I would have if I stepped out of the door. So I didn’t step out. I just stood there gazing out the door. I felt a little guilty on the inside that I wasn’t “there yet” and where I thought I should be. I felt guilty because I didn’t have the faith I thought I should have. I was missing out on God’s good stuff for me because of my insecurities. I stayed in the hallway feeling happy I was there, but disappointed in myself. Suddenly I became very aware of the back of the hallway. It seemed dark but the image was so blurry I did not see what was there. There were no defining images. It was just a dark imagination. I was only aware of its presence behind me, but I couldn’t see anything. I knew that darkness represented the situation and all that had hurt my heart. There was nothing definite to look at because I was at God perspective and he doesn’t see the “faults.”. He was giving me an opportunity to see his perspective. What happened to me and how I hurt really happened, but it was unclear in my vision because it was not truth. For me to turn around and stare at the dark imagination would be for me to turn my back on the door and the beautiful clear sky. The sky was so clear because it was truth. I basically had a choice to make, I could choose to focus on the door and the things he placed outside just for me, or I could turn my back to those things and try to “imagine” the past with all the hurt and offense. Then something amazing happened. God showed me that he did not require me to jump out of the hallway to soar. He never asked me to make a step, I had only assumed it. He showed me the hall itself was flying through the air. He showed me that it is not up to me to do anything to have the right thinking. I didn’t have to jump out of doors in the sky. I just rest there in that happy little hallway and enjoy HIS ride. I was soaring whether I did anything or not. Instantly the negative opinion I had about myself left because I had just assumed I was suppose to do something. I mean a door is there to walk through, I thought. He requires nothing from me. He just wants me to enjoy his ride that he provided. He did all the work. I was already soaring, but if I turned around to the darkness, I wouldn’t know I was.

I’m not gonna lie….I still take a gander at the darkness, but every time I do, God reminds me of that revelation and I turn back around to his view. Since the vision, I have had the song in my head, “I get knocked down, but I get up again. You’re never gonna keep me down. I get knocked down, but I get up again. You’re never gonna keep me down…” I look out the windows, and I sit at the door feeling the wind in my face, and I just enjoy myself. It’s an amazing ride. Everyday I am less aware of the imaginary darkness behind me. Pretty soon, I’ll forget the past altogether because I’m so caught up in his view. I'm soaring!