Tough Love Lessons

I recently saw a clip someone posted on facebook from “Korea's got talent.” A young man wanted to sing, but he said he was not a good singer. He was given up for adoption at age three, ran away from home after age five after a brutal beating from the adults at the orphanage, and lived alone on the streets until age 15. He said he enjoyed singing because it helped him become someone else and forget his past even for a moment. Then he sang. Oh my!...it was more than inspiring. The only thing I could think of after I wiped my face from the tears was, “Man, there is a whole world of people out there who just need to be loved on.” How different that kid's life would have been if someone had loved him. People find themselves in huge messes. Just turn on the radio and it won't be long before you hear someone singing about that “something” missing in their life. There is one cure... “All you need. All you really need is Love. Good Love.”

Love Shmuv, Right? Love is Jr. Kid stuff. That is stuff we already know so we need to get on to deeper things. To anyone who thinks “love” is baby stuff or too shallow or not enough, I have a few things to say to you. If you do not think “Love, Love, Love. Love is all you need.” then you do NOT know my Father. “Love is God and anyone who loves is born of God and knows God. If you do not love, you do not know God.” John, I could not have summed it up better myself! ( 1 John 4:7-8) The more I spend time with my Father, the more I learn how misconstrued my thinking was about love. These are some lessons I have learned. (I'm so dang wordy! --sorry.)

This world is hungry for one thing and we (those who claim to know God) do not even seem to be able to even love each other. How can we expect ourselves to go into all the world and do all that stuff that makes us good little Christians when we don't even have what they hunger for. Even worse...we think we have what they want, we say we have the answer, we prove we have the answer, we claim we know the right way, but our ways are repulsive to their appetite. Why? Because they see us exactly like them, but we claim we are better because we have the way. Even they love people who love them back. “Jesus loves you! He died for you! My way is the right way! Come follow me as I follow the Lord.” “Um....no thanks. I'd rather live in hell than live like you.” So then after such rejection, we sulk in our “persecution” and walk the walk of our good intentions and learn about the really “deep” stuff. No no no! Our actions to each other push people away from Father instead of drawing them to him. Sad.

How can we attempt to reach a Fatherless world, when we feel like orphans. I think all of us need to learn this lesson in some degree. The Orphan Spirited knows lots of stuff, but they forget the Word (Jesus). They think there is nothing else for them to really learn. They do not feel like their needs will be met. They think they have to “do” to get anywhere. They feel lack and are fearful of losing. They protect what “little” they do have even if it means hurting other people. They are jealous of anyone who has a gift. They are jealous if someone seems to exalt another person. They want to be the best. That they WANT means that they do not know that they have already been given all things. They do not know their Shepherd, their Father. They feel like orphans in their heart even if they do not admit it. They are mindful of scarcity instead of stewards of Father's abundance. The cure for the orphan spirited is to awaken to Father's reality----we have been adopted. The more we realize God/LOVE, the more mature we will become and the more our love tanks will fill up and flow over.

If our love tank was full, we would splash love to others without effort. The world would recognize the communion we have with one another and see that we do have what they have been longing for. If our love tank was full we would not put others under pressure to fill something in us only God can. Offenses and attacks and accusations from others might splash our water, but it would just float right off if our tank was full.

You know a disciple of Jesus because they love one another...not because they are a good speaker. Not because they have a big church. Not because they give money to every good program that comes along. Not because they have a Spiritual gift. This is the real question: Do they love the unlovable? Unlovable can describe lots of folks. It is easy to love someone who loves you back. Unlovable folks are those who would rather spit on you than look at you. Unlovable people drag your name through the mud. Unlovable people like to tell you how wrong you are and how right they are. Unlovable people like to expose your flaws. Unlovable people hurt you with their good intentions or bad intentions. Can we love those people? And not just love them after they ask your forgiveness because they finally “came to the light.” Love them in the middle of their drama. If you love people like that, then you are his disciples.

Sometimes Luke and Jack see things in the store they want for a friend and sometimes we buy it for their friend. One day on the way to the store, I grew tired of hearing a long conversation about how they “hate” this other kid. This kid is really mean and annoying so I could totally understand, but their attitude toward him was not desirable and was really only hurting themselves. We stood in the parking lot, and I told them how Jesus would handle this kid. Would Jesus want to punish him? Would Jesus like to say bad things to him? Jesus says to be nice and love and bless those who are mean to you. I told them that if they wanted to be like Jesus, I would let them pick out a gift for him at the store. They LOVED it! Seeing those boys give that bully kid the gift was amazing! Not only did they learn why it was better to give than to receive, they put out the flame of offense in their own heart AND as an added bonus, the bully isn't bullying anymore. Win. Win. Win. (The Office) Since that day, I have not heard one negative comment about the kid. By the way....wisdom would say not to put ourselves in a bad situation, so we don't put our boys around him. Wisdom is also love. Innocence is wisdom. And Love is not a doormat.

Love is leaving the 99 to go after the 1. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that if even one is hurt to please the masses, the action/way of thinking is not God. I have made past decisions and believed that I needed to do something for the good of the whole. That meant rejecting people I “loved.” I thought it was the right thing to do. It finally dawned on me one day....”Jesus never rejected anyone even if it meant offending the goody-goodies.” I punished myself for a while for being so stupid, but even holding on to unforgivingness for myself was not Godly. This is how I used to think: “reaching out to that person would offend many and bring some confusion to others. To avoid that, I will limit my interaction with them." BOO! Well, now I see that God will love and have mercy on the one and if everyone in the whole world gets offended at his mercy, then so be it. I can be that way too. (Romans 9)

Real love is God's love. God's love sees no need to add anything to us. What a humbling WOW! Real love doesn't see the need to fix us. Real love doesn't see the need to IMPROVE someone. If God so LOVED the world that means that he loves them/us just as we are. So why on earth would I think I need to love someone while recognizing where they need to be “fixed?” Like people really need anyone to point out the errors of their ways or “where they could grow.” Geesh!

I used to think that loving people would mean that I love them and patiently “teach” them. I asked the Lord once to show me where I erred. Boy did he answer! The Great I AM, creator of heaven and earth informed me one day that the mistake I made (remember, I did ask for this) was that I thought I had something to teach them and somehow it was my job to teach them. Ooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuch! Hurts so good! Gosh, I had to take a huge bite out of humble pie to receive that one. I am called to first love. If I think I have something to teach someone, then there is an agenda attached to my “love.” The thing is, Father told me a long while back that I had something to teach, But I totally missed the entire lesson. My job is to love, and if someone wants what I have, they will ask me and then I can teach. My life is the teacher, not my instruction. I'm even embarrassed to admit that now. Here is the truth: if I see that someone needs teaching, then I see they need improving. If I see they need improving, then I automatically see they lack. I pray to God I never sowed lack into anyone. Sowing lack is diabolical.

Wayne and I now have a saying, “No motive but love.” That means that we don't even think we have to help someone change. It means we won't be defensive and we won't attack. We will walk in love no matter what. We have made new friends and some have needed help over the years. But since we decided no motive but love, it is more than amazing to see how God grows people up around us without us "doing" anything. Our life should be a reflection of his love rather than an instructional video.

I know what it feels like to be loved without a motive. A while back, I found myself needing help out of an emotional pit. I could see where I was and where I wanted to be, but I just didn't have the emotional strength to climb out by myself. I asked the Lord to send me someone to help me climb out. He more than answered my prayer. She was unexpected. I learned more from her about Love than anyone ever hands down. She loved me, and loved me, and loved me some more without ever expecting anything back. She gave. She prayed. She served. She hugged. She spoke God's-heart over me time after time. She would write me cards and indicated in them that it was from Father. I never asked her for any of this. It even made me uncomfortable in the beginning. It was weird that someone would do all that. I found myself having to submit to her love, God's love. This God-kind of love literally threw me a life line and pulled me out of the pit. I am still learning lessons from her unconditional love. It makes me smile on the inside when I hear her say things like, “I don't know that stuff about the Bible.” etc. I smile because it doesn't matter how much she knows. I know she knows my Father. Her love for people without any motive is proof she is a disciple of Christ. I would receive a piece of wisdom from her than from anyone who can quote the whole Bible. Others might have a lot of eloquent words, but all I hear is clanking cymbals if I do not see unconditional love and relationship without motives.

There are abandoned five-year-olds living in public restrooms in Korea, and we get offended because some Christian said something mean once. Let us submit to the Love of our Father and allow him to love us the way he created us to be loved. Allow him to fill our love tanks. Let's forgive and love one another. Then and only then we will be his disciples, and can go into the world offering them something they really do want, and effortlessly love on some babies.