Vertical Thinking Part 2: The Higher Ground in Relationships

A long while back, I began to discover who I am...who I REALLY am. My focus was more on God and less on me everyday. I was dying to myself. I had not arrived, but I was beginning to see. I couldn't even remember that last time I had “sinned.” Sounds strange to say, but isn't that God's goal for us? That we are more aware of God than even our own flaws and failures? So then I began a deeper relationship with some people. I allowed them to speak into my life. They said things, and I believed them. I learned some great things from them, but I also learned some things I was unaware I was learning. (Cue the scary music.) They were speaking to me about areas they thought I could improve, ways I needed to be fixed, telling me I had little to offer, and saying I wasn't doing enough with what I had. Oh, they were my friends. They had loving eyes and they used pretty words. That was the sneaky part. I do not think their intentions toward me were bad. I think they were aware of their faults so automatically became aware of mine. I cannot blame them. I am my own responsibility. And besides that, “They don't know no better.” They judged themselves so therefore they judged me. Without realizing what was happening my insecurities became exposed. I became distracted by my lack. I was self conscious. I lost some peace. I had fallen from vertical thinking into horizontal thinking, all the while thinking I was still in the vertical plane. I began to believe I was not enough, and I now had to do something to become somebody or prove that I am already.

I believed them when they told me I “lacked, Needed fixing, Was not enough.” I became aware of my faults so then naturally, I became aware of theirs. I am Soooooo sorry I ever saw lack in them. Someday I will forgive myself. I hope that I never said or did anything to reflect the lack I saw. I saw them from the perspective of the lower ground. I lost the heart of God toward them. This “lack” issue is probably the most dangerous ingredient we could ever get a hold of in our life. I think that is exactly what Jesus was warning about when he said, “Beware of the Leaven of the Pharisees.” As far as I know, that was the only thing Jesus ever said, “Beware of." I can see why because of how it affected my relationship with others, with myself, and with God. "Beware of the Leaven of the Pharisees" is also like saying, “Beware of the constructive criticisms.” “Beware of anyone who makes you think that you do not hear or did not hear your father's voice and now therefore must let them “help” you with your decisions.” (Control-freak much? ---That's a whole other ponder.)

I realize that sometimes we are so horizontal in our thinking that we need someone up on the higher plane of thinking to help us----give us advice, etc. The goal, however, is that advice stays advice and we become confident in the voice who loves us perfectly. It is our right as his children to hear him. We do not need to become dependent on others to “hear” for us. THERE IS ONE VOICE THAT MATTERS. And we know his voice. We are his sheep! Don't let anyone tell you you are not.

It is also not to say that sometimes we don't need corrected. But the correct way to correct is life-giving, ALWAYS. The proper correction makes you change your focus to the vertical and gets your eyes off yourself. It puts your feet back on higher ground. The proper correction is smothered with a love that sees no need to add anything to you or find fault in you. This is still hard for me to understand, but I liken it to my three little boys.

These little guys are precious and unique. In reality, they are perfect, but there are things their mind still needs to learn because they are IMMATURE. A sapling is still a sapling and still a perfect little tree, but it obviously has a long way to go. It still needs a lot of sunshine, water and gentle care. With enough of the good stuff poured into it while it is immature, it will grow to be such a tall, strong tree, not even a hurricane can harm it. We love our three little guys. We have no “agenda” for them. It is our responsibility to raise them to who they are, and not who we think they should be. Their immaturity and growth requires correcting daily, sometimes hourly. We try to correct in a way that helps pick them up from the low ground and puts their feet back on the higher ground. You can usually tell when this has happened. They do things like thank us for the correction. This is a strange phenomenon to me. It's like we get rewarded for being the sergeants of boot camp at our house. After a proper correction, those little one, three and four-year-old smiles, big hugs, slobbery kisses, and bursts of helpfulness are really responses to our love. They are saying, “I am thankful for security you give me by showing me my boundaries. I am thankful you see my potential and help me to also see it. I am thankful you love me.”

I can understand proper correction because I am a parent, but it is also true for others. Proper correction sounds more like an encouragement to those being corrected. It is like they don't know they are being corrected. I can tell you from personal experience. IT WORKS! Isn't that strange that getting a hold of God's ideas of how to do things really, really, really works?!?! I guess sometimes we think we can do better ourselves. If the "correction" makes you feel less confident, or just LESS, IT DID NOT COME FROM THE LORD!!!!!!!!

I have discovered the “maturing” factor for our lives. When I was seeing the lack in myself and in others, I could see I was walking on the lower ground. I knew I was immature, but couldn't figure out how to grow or how to climb out of it. I asked the Lord to show me how to mature and climb up to the higher ground. Boy did he! The Miracle grow for our immaturity is simply, yet extravagantly a revelation of the Love of God. The deeper the revelation, the more mature a person. Maturity realizes that even my meager attempts to love God are dung (a.k.a. Crap). REAL love is allowing him to love me (PERIOD.) “Here is love, not that we love God, but that he loves us.”

“My beloved is mine.” ---Unbelievably immature.
“I am my beloveds, and he is mine.”---Immature.
“I am my beloveds.” ---Now those are the words of maturity!

There became a strain on my relationships. I began to be offended and point fingers. There was obviously an internal problem. So I prayed, “Father, help me to see them as righteously as you see them.” As plain as day, he said, “Then see yourself as righteous.” That is when I realized, I had fallen from the high ground. I had forgotten who I was. I had a head knowledge of HOW I was supposed to think, but I wasn't living there.

A few months later, I was having trouble forgiving a friend. I knew unforgiveness is only harmful to me. So I prayed, “Father, I cannot forgive them. Please help me to.” He said nothing, but he showed me a picture of Jesus dying for me on the cross---Dying for ME. “I got it, Lord.” I can only forgive when I know I am forgiven.

So I have come to this realization....To walk in the high ground with relationships, I first see my God for who he is in all his goodness. He is not testing me. He is and never will be mad or angry at me. He is not trying to teach me something. There is no agenda to improve me. There is only love. If I see my father for who he is and how much he LOVES me, then I can begin to see me for who I am. Who I am is the real me. The real me is who he says I am. I am innocent, blameless, free, sinless, whole, beautiful, healthy, prosperous, bold, perfect. (That is still soooooooooooooooo hard for me to say, but sometimes I do practice in the mirror. ---It's very humbling.) When I can see me the way he sees me, then and only then can I see others the way he sees them. We will never love others until we love ourselves. We can never truly love ourselves until we know how much we are loved and allow Father to love us.

I'm not there yet, but I can see the light that I want to walk in. There is nothing I have to DO to get there either. It is as simple as keeping my focus vertical. “Walk in the light as he is in the light.” It is like when you drive a car. The car is going forward, but as soon as you start rubbernecking out the left window, you will find the car automatically starts drifting left. I will keep my focus upward. Before I know it, I will look down and see the world from his perspective. It is such a nice view! I'm looking forward to soaring.